you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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