I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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