I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
