We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
