the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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