I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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