we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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