what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
