I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
