remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I am spending my child support on dildos
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
