Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
