girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
