Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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