so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
