is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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