I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
