he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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