Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
