You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize