I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
