Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
