Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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