I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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