I got chris browned last night
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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