The maid of honor just puked.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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