her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Alive.
So much puke
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
