i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
