Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
