I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
