you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
