im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
