I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
