my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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