I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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