I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have fence marks all over my body
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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