i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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