ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Of course I have a pirate flag
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
