I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
