Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
