I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You have to summon your inner elephant
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
