so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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