and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
