Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
