I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
