how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize