My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
