all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
