I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
