Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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