Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Never joke about your clitoris.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
