She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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