: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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