I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
