he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
