Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
