Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize