The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
they call him Oral-B. enough said
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize