i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
