allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
