Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Drunk is not a location!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
