I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
