This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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