one might say we're banned from that church
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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