last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
