Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize