I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
