Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
