Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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