Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All I want is dick and wine.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
