i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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