Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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