i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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