I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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