guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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