God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
