I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
