Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
