I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
