sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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