Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
