I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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