u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
