we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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