I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
be right there i have to get my cape
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
