my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
