I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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