im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
