wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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