did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize