Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
