I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize