is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
