Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
