i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
