he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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